cysticfibrosismom

I'm just a regular mom, figuring out life with my daughter Sophia, who has cystic fibrosis.Take this journey with me.


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Fears and Wishes

Day after day, we’re doing ‘just fine.’

Following routines keeps us in line.

Then one day a blip in the static,

My thoughts go awry, my emotions erratic.

 

I thought I was living far away from the ledge,

But as it turns out my toe’s on the edge.

One health scare turned my head around,

I’m shocked to find no sign of the ground.

 

Proud to be tough, resilient, and stoic,

Right now I’m feeling miles from heroic.

An errant thought leads to one small tear,

Leads to many more, and more, I fear.

 

If only I had an impenetrable shield,

A sword of immunity that I could wield.

Superhero strength to protect my young,

A hide of leather that can’t get stung.

 

But, alas, we are human, limitations and all.

The best we can do is try not to fall.

And if we do, then we try to land first,

And protect our children from getting the worst.

 

Turn ourselves around and rally our powers,

Soak in the warmth and smell the flowers.

Climb back up that hill, take a big step in,

Set up a sturdy camp for the next whirlwind.

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My Darling

When you were inside me, my little ladybug,

You’d roll and kick, push and tug.

When I was near others I’d always be strong,

And pray to God the statistics were wrong.

Tell me darling, that it’s gonna be alright.

Hug me darling, give me a kiss goodnight.

 

Then I’d drive around, tears falling down my face,

What’s happening inside you that I can’t replace?

I want to fix you so that you can stay,

Helplessness takes hold, takes my breath away.

Tell me darling, that it’s gonna be alright.

Hug me darling, give me a kiss goodnight.

 

‘She’s the picture of health,’ people say about you,

My heart squeezes tightly, hoping it’s true.

All I can do, is everything I can do,

And hope it’s enough to make this day through.

Tell me darling, that it’s gonna be alright.

Hug me darling, give me a kiss goodnight.

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If I could put it in a bottle.

The blood-curdling scream as I hold her tight,

Her legs and arms wrapped in mine,

Hold still little one,

For it’s only bloodwork, and it will be done soon.

If I could put her anxiety in a bottle,

I would throw it deep into the ocean

Never to return.

 

When something strikes that certain note,

Deep down, and tickles her mind,

Belly-shaking giggles erupting,

Lighting up her face and my heart.

If I could put her laughter in a bottle,

I would keep it under my pillow

For a rainy day.

 

The night-time cough, the hacking cough,

Seconds become minutes become hours,

Piercing through the silent night,

The sound competing with my beating heart.

If I could put her cough in a bottle,

I would give it to the researchers

To find a cure.

 

When I walk into a room and see her face,

Whether after minutes or hours or days away,

That smile, radiating from her mouth, her eyes,

Filling my soul with unconditional love.

If I could put her joy in a bottle,

I would share it with all who suffer

And save the world.


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Alphabet Soup for the CF Soul

Appointments lasting half the day,

Bacterial swabs on the tray.

Compressors drone, nasal spray,

Drugs inhaled two times per day.

 

Exercise, exercise must be done,

Frisbee, soccer, bike, or run.

Gain more weight, eat a tonne,

High calorie shakes sure are fun.

 

Increased treatments when you’re sick,

Just 2 hours more, hear clock tick.

Keflex just might do the trick to

Loosen up that mucous thick.

 

Meds counted out, neat in a line.

Never forget this CF rhyme:

Oh salbutamol, saline, salt, enzyme,

Pulmicort, prednisone, pulmozyme.

 

Quietly watching her fall asleep,

Realizing that my love’s so deep,

Scary thoughts upon me creep,

Tears stream down, I silently weep.

 

Understanding risks and rules,

Vote no for hot tub, yes for pool?

What’s right or wrong when she’s at school?

Xact science needed for this fool!

 

Yet happiness and love prevail,

Zest for life on enormous scale.